Sunday, December 28, 2008

Hottest women in Hollywood

So as promised here is part two of my two part list of Hollywood's hottest celebrities according to me!. In part one we covered the hottest men in Hollywood and now part two we will uncover some obvious beauties as well as some hidden gems of the hot female celebrity world.

Obvious beauty number one....


Angelina Jolie didn't strike me as a hottie when she first started to climb her way up through Hollywood. In fact I'm not going to lie, I found her down right greasy. But post Billy Bob Thornton she has blossomed into first a beautiful woman and then a beautiful person. So I blame all the grease and grime on Billy Bob (who still never looks quite clean). I'm happy to say that this is one actress in Hollywood that puts her money where her mouth is. She doesn't just say "I wish I could make the world a better place" then spend thousands on a prada purse. She donates a sizable amount to worthwhile charities and even puts herself in harms way as an ambassador for the U.N in third world countries. Way to go Angie! I'm glad to see a celebrity who didn't let success mar their compassion!.

Obvious beauty number two...


What do I like about Scarlet (aside from the fact she shares a name with one of my favourite fictional characters)?. Scarlet is a young female celebrity that unlike most of her peers has not spent three quarters of her career as a train wreck for the paparazzi. She is not bulimically thin, in fact that girl has a bit of ass to her, BUT that's a good thing. She has not gone on a drug or drinking binge and lastly and probably most importantly of all she has not been seen partying with Paris Hilton!!!. This is a young woman who doesn't believe that all publicity is good publicity and has managed to make herself one of the few classy young stars in Hollywood. I'll also add, marrying a Canadian endears her to the people up north as well!! :).

Obvious beauty number three....


I have been a fan since 'the tragic kingdom' album but unlike most of the things I have given up from my teen years Gwen is still a keeper. She has a great sense of style and is not afraid to be unique and dance to the funky beat of her own drum. I'm so jealous this girl can rock any hair color of the rainbow and make it look good. Gwen is always introducing the world to fresh new styles and sounds and for that she is one of my top three. The rocking Abs don't hurt either!! :).

Now for a few ladies who may or may not have hit your radar screen....


For those of you living in a hole for the past few years Evangeline Lily plays Kate on the television series 'Lost'. A fellow Canadian she was born in Saskatchewan but was discovered in my hometown of Vancouver and I believe she may have starred in a phone line personals ad in that area before she found her big break. I love this girl, she has my absolute favourite combination of green eyes matched with dark hair and she also sports a cute sparkling of freckles around her nose. She is the perfect blend of sexy meets girl next door despite her popularity on 'Lost' we haven't really seen her in any blockbuster films, which is a shame if you ask me, as she appears to have a great range of acting ability.


Can I get a "what?, what?" from all my fellow 'Xena' dorks...oh yes that would be the Warrior princess I am speaking of here. For those of you who missed out on that pop culture gem Hudson played a character named Callisto , who was the only other woman warrior with skills that rivaled Xena's. Despite the fact she played an evil psychopath there was always something very hot about her perhaps it was all leather and the dominatrix style authority she commanded. Even though she has been low radar since then I still have her near the top of my list.


Tricia plays the number six model of Cylon on 'Battlestar Galactica' (wow my dork roots are truly showing here). She too is a fellow Canadian born and raised in Alberta and she also hosted a season of Canada's next top model. What can I say? she is a truly beautiful woman and she has made the transition from model to actor flawlessly. This woman is proof that Canadians really can act and so to all those "Pamela Anderson's" out there you should try to take a page from Tricia's book instead and stop making this country look bad!!.


Many may remember Shannyn from 'A knights tale' where she played 'Heath Ledgers' leading lady, I have yet to watch the series Moonlight, another Vampire/mortal love tale out there but you may know her as the character Coraline. This hot Hawaiian usually scores larger roles in smaller films or small roles in the big ones. Why do I like her? She has a great classy yet exotic look to her, shes not the typical bottled blond that Hollywood sharts out enmasse and I really hope she is able to land a few more big roles to keep me from the boredom of watching the same five or six women in every movie.


I discovered Zooey through a few films 'Elf', 'the happening' and the t.v series 'Tin Man'. While I think she is absolutely beautiful to look at I'm not going to blow bubbles up her a$$ about her acting abilities. I find in the few things I have seen her in she somehow manages to make the majority of her lines sound comical or just plain devoid of emotion. If she sticks to a career in comedy she will be hugely successful. If you get a chance to view the miniseries 'Tin Man' you should really look for the scene where she shouts "your out of your tiny minds"...not sure if it was meant to be, but it was hilarious and I say it around the house all the time.


I discovered miss Lizzy from the series 'True Blood'.While watching I wondered where I may have seen her before and a trip to IMDB found me an answer, she was the angsty teen from 'Mean Girls'. Needless to say where 'Lindsay Lohan' peaked and fell from grace a few years after 'Mean Girls', Lizzy has blossomed into a very attractive woman. Now that's one hot Jew!!!


Star of 'the Tudors' Natalie played Anne Boleyn King Henry's second wife. While I'm sure there is many a lady who may think Johnathan Rhys Meyers is the hottest person on the Tudors I have to disagree and say that Natalie takes that title. She has a very pixie like face with very Sharp features but rather than those features making her look hard they manage to make her look very mysterious.


Well its official we need to harvest the eggs and sperm of the senior Gyllenhaal's. With both Maggie and Jake turning out so good imagine the potential of laboratory created Gyllenhaals for future fact lets build our genetically created friends an island called Gyllenhaaltopia where beautiful people roam around on sandy beaches half naked......sorry got carried away in fantasy land. You get the picture though!


Liv is cold hard evidence that 'Stephen Tyler's' Philandering has the potential to create something more than a painful rash and a need for a penicillin shot. She has been a sex symbol since her debut in the 'Aerosmith' music video 'crazy' where she and 'Alicia Silverstone' both broke into Hollywood. Since then she has gone on to do many roles including the role that captured the heart of every dork both male and female as 'Arwen' the elven princess in 'Lord of the Rings'.


I think everyone and their dog fell in Love with Audrey as 'Amelie' a few years back, while she hasn't been seen in to many large rolls since then I am adding her to my list because I still love the look of this girl. I generally don't find brown eyes attractive but I do make the exception when they are huge and framed by great thick lashes!!. She manages to seem very young despite her age and has a fresh unique look about her.


While shes technically not a "Hollywood" girl I am going to throw her in here because she is one of my favourite fetish models. You can check her out on her site ''.


Mrs. Teese has brought back (the once thought lost) art of burlesque in today's bare all world. She is a glamorous and gorgeous fetish model and her unique sense of style really sets her apart as beautiful. Who doesn't love a good old fashioned pin-up?.

Christmas party in the maritimes.

So I was invited to my boss's Christmas party last night, Christoph (my b.f) and I left to go make a quick appearance. Im not sure what I was expecting but it exceeded my wildest dreams of a Maritime Christmas party. It started off as any other party with people mingling and drinking, lots of food. As we didnt know alot of people we started off the night at the outskirts speaking to a few people but keeping ourselves low key, about an hour or so into the night people were already liquored up enough to begin to dance on the small space left in my boss's kitchen.

Typical radio tunes spilled out of the stereo system ie: "womainzer", "I kissed a girl", The ladies and "Harl" my boss began to dance and sing, it was fun but a fairly standard Christmas party......and then.....

Someone had the divine idea to put on some 'Great Big Sea' (to any international readers they are a Canadian maritime band and pretty much a Maritime stereotype throughout the rest of Canada). The whole house full of people started to sing along to sea shanty after sea shanty, we had a reel going in the kitchen and eventually it spilled out through the kitchen to the living room in the form of an old fashioned style line dance. Person after person danced, hopped and skipped merrily down the line and sent a new person back up again.

Eventually though the Celtic style dance was replaced by a congo line, of all things. Winding through out the house, people of all age groups young and old skipping merrily through out the home and overall having a great time.

Despite all my griping about the Maritimes I will have to say this the people out here are fabulous, they are warm, inviting and really know how to cut loose and just have some good old fashioned fun!. I had a great time and thats without having had any alcohol myself!!!.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

one more reason to hate small towns...

Boxing day on any calender as well as any other city I have lived in has always been December 26th, the day after Christmas. Well we woke up early and got ourselves all pumped up to go find a sweet sale here or there and what happens?. NOTHING IS OPEN!!!! Apparently boxing day in small town Nova Scotia actually falls on the 27th regardless as to whether it is a small business or a Mega Corporation like WalMart or Future Shop!!!!.

Its bad enough nothing is open passed 6:00pm on Sunday, ironically the only day for the past few weeks I have felt the urge to go grocery shopping to make a great supper after work!!!. I guess this is what I get for living in an overly religious town with traditional values.

Some days I miss the hustle and bustle of Vancouver, right down to the crack heads.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

So this is Christmas.....

So this Christmas eve I spent working from 8:30 in the morning until 5:00 pm. I wouldn't have minded the extra hours its just that everyone else left work at 2:00pm. I understand that they all had Christmas dinners and family/friends to see and were all in a rush to kick off their holidays. But when I'm asked to put it the extra hours after they all go skipping off into the sunset it feels a little like rubbing salt in the wound. I know I have no friends or family here on the east coast or anything special to look forward to for the holidays but It would have been nice for them to consider the fact that I may be missing my family and friends and not really in the mood to carry the brunt of their holiday duties on my shoulders single handed.

Especially when they left the store in a complete state of disarray and mayhem for me to clean up by myself. The boyfriend came down to help me and we mopped the floors and scrubbed it all clean. Extra money is a nice thing, but the attitude that I have nothing better to do with my time kind of pisses me off. I don't mind helping people out but when it feels like I'm being taken advantage of that's when I get annoyed. I'm sure no one even thought of it as a "lets screw Michelle out of her Christmas eve" but it bothered me none the less.

On a lighter note my Christmas eve was pleasant once I got back home. My boyfriend and I made a vegetarian lasagna for our Christmas dinner and we set up the dogs stockings with treats from "Santey Claus", they were so excited their little tails going full steam as they happily hopped about undecided on which treat to start on first. I even made them their own little lasagna treat (without onions and mushrooms like ours was) to eat for Christmas dinner. I was rewarded with two little poopie bums to clean when I woke up this morning as it may have been a bit too rich for them, but I think ultimately they had a really great time last night!!.

So I made the very best of who I had in my life this holiday season and tried overall to have a good attitude about Christmas this year and I think I have succeeded. While it may not be my favourite fact most years I detest the "holiday season" I think I was able to really relax and have a good time this year.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Hot List!!!

Part one of a two part series on the hottest Celebrities (in my opinion)Part one will cover the men and Part two will be Hot female Celebs.

So recently a friend of mine 'four leaf clover' added a small list of people she found attractive in the famous people you would sleep with category. I thought it would be fun to post a small list of celebrities that make my hot list. I was initially going to try something like People magazines top 100 best looking but then realised after about ten celebrities I would be throwing people in of average beauty (in my opinion) as filler. Lets face it the major magazines keep trying to tell us that people like Ben Afleck, Matt Damon, Sarah Jessica Parker and Uma Thurman are hot despite their unfortunate faces telling us a completely different story.

Around here we like to keep it Real!!!

We'll start with a few no brainers. In the male Category our obvious choices are the following...


Now don't get me wrong while I did enjoy the steamy love scene in 300 that is not the place where good ole Gerry stole my heart. If I'm going to be perfectly honest of where my desire began it was when I saw him as the tortured musical Opera Ghost in the movie adaptation of Andrew Lloyd Webber's Phantom of the Opera. While he may be controlling and mildly psychotic their is a part of me that feels with a little bit of love and compassion the Phantom of the Opera had a good chance to turn a new leaf!!. Who doesn't love a musician??? As for Gerry the Actor, It doesn't hurt that he has a HOT Scottish accent and enjoys wearing kilts!.


While most of his fan base is derived from 'Greys Anatomy' I was a late fan to Patrick Demsey's beauty. In fact he didn't even blip my radar until I saw 'Enchanted'. Maybe I just needed one extra hour of showtime to appreciate his charms? or perhaps it was the over sized view on the big screen that smacked me in head like a V8 commercial. But regardless here I am world this is one band wagon I ride willingly....grrrrrrrrrrrr.


Ahhh Johnny Depp, will there ever be a top Hotness list that doesn't include your name? Most likely not!. It doesn't matter if you dirty your teeth in 'Pirates of the Caribbean', if you go all misunderstood disfigured monster in 'Edward Scissorhands' or if you make the full transition into nut bar as 'Willie Wonka' or even 'Sweeney Todd'. I doubt we could wrangle a woman on the planet who would not trade her weight in gold to bag you for a night!!!. Obvious and unimaginative as it is, Johnny Depp is hot! that is not my opinion, just a fact of life.

Now we enter a realm of male hotness that is purely personal taste....Me I say- YUMMY!!!!


Oh snap!! that's right bitches, its Prince Caspian from 'Chronicles of Narnia', soon to be appearing as Dorian Grey in 'the Portrait of Dorian Grey' movie remake. One can only hope those sexy locks stay in tact for this film or at the very least if they have to be trimmed they auction of the tresses on Ebay for a worthwhile charity....or at the very least to grace some twisted woman's hair doll collection!!!I have never found men with nicer hair than me attractive...until now!!!.Thats right Fabio eat your steroid ridden heart out!!!.


Although it may be blasphemy to say this I may enjoy the Jim Sturgess covers of some of the Beatles songs a bit more than the originals. Despite his unkempt appearance and pseudo mullet in 'Across the Univierse' I have got to say that Jim Sturgess by far is the Sexiest Celebrity known to man. If I could have my choice to sleep with everyone on my list except him or only him but noone else, Jim would win. Im not sure what it is about that man that lights my fire? Is it the baby face begging to be ravished and sullied by me? Or is it his voice that called me in like a siren song?. Whatever the case may be if I had these Celebs listed in a top ten format he would be number one hands down!!!.


Long before Broke back mountain there were two characters that opened my eyes to the sexiness of Jake Gyllenhaal the first was 'Donnie Darko' and the second.....try not to laugh....'Bubble Boy'. While its obvious hes rather into blondes (Kirsten Dunst, Reese Witherspoon) I wont hold it against him!!!


Here is an actor who pops in as a hit or miss on the cute list. If were talking abut the James McAvoy from 'Becoming Jane' or 'Penelope' then Hells Yes cut my vegetarian ass a piece of that beef cake. But if were talking about the James McAvoy from 'Atonement' or 'Wanted' then he gets a meh? from me. So depending on costume and hair hes hot, without these vitals taken care of hes merely good looking.


Captain Karl 'Helo' Agathon of the 'Battlestar Galactica' remake (pushes nerd glasses further up nose :D). Tahmoh is easily number two or three on my list if I had these guys in a numerical order. His chiseled facial features give him an elflike quality that screams hot to this uber geek!!! In season one of the series hes trapped on Caprica with Sharon (a secret cylon) fighting for their lives, but Sharon still has time to get freaky with him...well who can blame the girl? I would be getting freaky with this guy despite the threat to my personal safety as well if I had the chance!!.


What Maid Marion ever saw in the gappy toothed Robin from BBC's 'Robin Hood' series is beyond me when Sir Guy of Gisborne was obviously the more attractive of the two. Despite the fact that Guy was a villian of this series he still had enough redeeming qualities to be salvagable relationship material.


In the end he skewered her like anyone would in such a situation when the fickal bitch came clean about her back stabbing ways. Ahhh Richard Artimage the hottest lad in Sherwood forest!.


As we were just discussing the BBC Robin Hood I thought I would throw in Will Scarlet as an honourable mention as second hottest lad in Sherwood for all the (boring) ladies who only wish to route for the good guys!!.


Hes gritty and saucy and down right dirty in most of his roles but hell I cant help but like the guy! Everyone has to have at least one guy on their list that makes everyone else shake their heads and wonder why. Clive is my one guy!!!


The leader, song writer and keyboardest of 'Nightwish'! One of my favourite bands! If you havnt listened to "kiss while your lips are still red" then you havnt lived, Trust me on that one! Hes talented, has a cute Finnish accent and Good looking to boot! what more could you ask for?.

Now we have two more gentlemen to add to our party... These boys fall into the "a few years to late but still so hot" categorey.


As if his roles of Han Solo and Indiana Jones didnt cement him as Hot in my books I recently watched 'Blade Runner'. With the hottest scene of male dominance when his Character 'Rick Deckard' throws 'Rachel' against the wall and kisses her... Gah every bead of sweat that glistens off this guy is manly and screams sex appeal. Hell I would even take old man Indie from 'the kingdom of the crystal skull' or his Character Quinn Harris in 'Six days Seven nights'. Young or old Harrison Ford is hotness in each decade he graces us with his presence!.


Thousands if not Millions of girls have fallen prey to the sex appeal of David Bowie from his role as 'Jareth' from Jim Henson's'Labyrinth' movie. There are whole facebook groups dedicated to the large bulge in his tights from that movie..some of which I am a member. What can I say? there is something about pseudo villians that women crave whether its the Goblin King, the Phantom of the Opera, V from V for Vendetta. We all want to love that misunderstood bad guy and turn him around.....but if we ever succeeded wouldnt we lose all the sex appeal that these bad boys bring with them?. Regardless David Bowie will forever be hottness for the ages. In fact even as an older Gent he looks perhaps better than he did in his youth, what with the nice new teeth and all!

Well that concludes part one of our two part series on hot Celebs join me next time to see my list of the hottest women in hollywood...some of them just may surprise you!!!.

Monday, December 15, 2008

taking care of business!!!!

So this week has been busy, busy, busy at work!!! Lots of baking and decorating and mood swings for all!! ho ho ho, Merry Christmas !!!!. My poor blog may be neglected in the next week or so as Im full time and then some until Christmas eve.

Thats okay though I need the money, I have a collecting habit that gets pretty costly after a while!!!. Not to mention my goal is to have all my credit cards down to a $0.00 balance no later than January 14th. So far.....well I still have a few weeks of pay to go right!!!! :)

I decided to check out an online ovulation calculator today, I guess the boyfriend gets lucky on Christmas and his Birthday too!!! hahaha exciting, but kind of annoying as well, still no Doctor but if I wait around for one I may have to wait until we move back out West which may not be for at least a year!!!. So we'll just get pregnant and have the provincial health authority assign us a prenatal doctor :).

Crazy baby related dreams this past week. I had one dream where I was at work and I was poking my pregnant belly to try and entice a baby kick and I was squishing my belly with my hands trying to feel the baby, then I noticed I could feel two heads and I was pregnant with twins, it was a pretty good dream.

Then the next few nights my dreams went in a whole new direction entirley, one dream I had given birth but the baby had to stay in the hospital, it wasnt too bad because the baby was healthy enough in that one.

But a few nights later I had a dream I was in a public shower and I had delivered a still born preemie on the floor, then I delivered only an extra pair of legs and a chopped up baby right beside it. It was so disgusting and vivid I was disturbed by it for a few nights afterwards. One dream Im pregnant with healthy twins, anouther dream I lose them both. Lets just hope its the jitters of making a big decision getting the better of me.

Friday, December 5, 2008

Oh Canada....

So this has been a very interesting few weeks in politics for Canadians, at least those who take time from their busy schedules to bother watching or reading the news. The formation of a coalition Government seems to have Canadians across the country split into two factions, those for the possibility of change and those against. In the current volatile economic climate where as of Dec 5th we reported the biggest job loss since 1982, it seems the general agreed upon undertone from both camps is anger.

With so much turmoil going on in this Country what has our government decided to do?, Why close the doors of Parliament for two months of course!.I may not be an economist but seeing as every other country is sitting down and trying to enact some form of damage control I cant readily believe this is whats best for our Country. So what has occurred in the past few weeks to take Canada from an economic crisis to a political one?.

Our tale begins with the November 27 economic update in the house of commons. It was here that Jim Flaherty revealed the fiscal update and the Conservative Governments latest "plans", which included banning civil servants from striking for the next 3 years, preventing women from fighting for pay equity, selling off some of Canada's government assets and of course removing public funding to the opposition parties of this country. It was here the conservative government waved the red flags of war. The Conservative governments current fiscal update had no economic stimulus package and it seems the only plans revealed that day were plans to set back labourers rights, women's rights and eliminate opposing parties for pure corporate and political gain . Unlike previous "I dare you to call an election" fear tactics used by Mr. Harper this time the opposition chose to rally the troops and face these issues with a responding battle cry "COALITION GOVERNMENT". The three opposition parties then decided to call for a vote of non-confidence, Which Mr. Harper managed to have delayed from December 2nd to December 8th.

After this announcement the following few days were filled with Conservative Propaganda claiming the formation of a coalition government is an undemocratic coup( apparently Mr. Harper doesn't realise that this is not American Politics). Critics of Harper believe he has intentionally attempted to play on Canadians lack of political knowledge as opposed to American politics.

In fact Mr. Harper himself had been in talks with both the NDP and the Bloc to form a coalition government in 2004.

As well as attempting to mislead Canadians about our own democratic system he also played the divide and conquer card, attempting to turn this situation into a Separatist Conspiracy to bring down Canada, Mr. Harper even went so far as to claim that the coalition would not sign their agreement in front of the Canadian flag(Lie).

"Yesterday, as part of the culmination of the machinations of the leader of the NDP, we had these three parties together, forming this agreement, signing a document and they wouldn't even have the Canadian flag behind them, They had to be photographed without it because a member of their coalition does not even believe in the country." ~Stephen Harper

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The Governor General was summoned from overseas to help to settle this mess for concerned Canadians, she ultimately decided after a two hour talk with Mr. Harper that a proroguement of Parliament was what was best for Canada at this time. Therefore the doors of Parliament were closed until late January and Mr.Harper was able to dodge the vote. For a man who pulled the undemocratic card out first it seems hypocritical that he would attempt to bloc a democratic vote of the house. One can only hope that the coalition is ready and able to make the vote in two months time. That is if the Liberal party can learn to keep their emotions in check and take a page from the conservatives book-stand united and support your leader no matter how much you may or may not agree with him. Several Liberal Mps began to shoot their mouths off after the Governor Generals decision and that may have ultimately hurt the coalition in the eyes of the public, we know Mr. Harper is sure to use their moments of weakness as a way to discredit the Coalition in the new year.

Why do I support this coalition government? Because 62% of the voting public chose parties that were not the conservatives. These parties are opting to work together therefore the majority of Canadians elected officials are going to be the ones making the choices for this country. Rather than the 38% who only had one right wing party to throw their vote at in the first place. Lets remember that your vote went towards your local Mp not to one Prime minister, therefore its your Mp that is fighting for you and your needs, I would love to see the majority of Canadians Mps out there making a difference for them. It seems more democratic to me that the majority of Parliament work together to make positive change and keep the other parties in check to avoid corruption rather than have one party act as chief and commander for the entire country. It is a system that works well all over the world (including Israel, so if their parties can make peace in Parliament I doubt the Bloc and the Liberal/Ndp will fair any worse).

Monday, December 1, 2008

Bolt, boots and babies!!!!

One month away from 2009 and I'm truly feeling the extent of my own mortality. This year has come and gone in such short order that I feel as though my life has been put in fast forward. If the years to come flow by this quickly I will be dead and gone in nothing but the blink of an eye. It is a rather sobering thought and in retrospect its thoughts like these that may have started my current life planning panic mode. The expression do or die has never felt more relevant to me than now.

This week I took a peek at value village and picked up a few books, one of which was "the mother of all pregnancy books Canadian edition", I have gone through about three quarters of it and decided the Gorey birthing details chapter can wait until after we conceive. Now the challenge is trying to find a doctor to get a pre-pregnancy check up and hopefully that doctor will be the same doctor that takes care of me during my whole pregnancy....but we'll see I'm trying to remind myself that I need to be more flexible with my life plans so I don't have another full blown attack of panic/rage like I did last week.

But overall although I'm not done researching this whole parenting thing before I start to actively try for a baby I think I'm feeling a bit more confident that I'm ready to get this ball rolling in the new year. The boyfriend is taking a very light approach to the whole idea and trying to calm any fears I may have with things like "It will all work out", and "we'll just do what we have to do to take care of a baby". I know he means well but his attempt at this calm, cool approach is only doing one thing for me- making me worry and panic enough for the both of us. I don't think bringing a human being into the world who could die or get ill on any given day you fuck up is something to take as lightly as a change in weather. I honestly don't believe he has any idea what is going to be involved in parenting and I do think he is going to be in for a hell of a jolt when we have a screaming baby keeping us up all hours of the night.

Now back to life pre-biological clock meltdown. I have finally received an order for some of my Gluten free bread for this Wednesday so tomorrow night I'm going to start a batch and get this side business thing started!!. I had almost given up hope that anyone would report back with whether or not they liked it. In fact ironically that very afternoon my boss had just started to tease me and tell me I must have poisoned the customers I gave a sample too. After the couple came in to place the order I phoned him and told him triumphantly that no one had been poisoned!!. We both laughed pretty hard about the timing on that one.

Sweater boots!!! I have fallen in love with a pair of sweater boots and I'm just waiting for some Christmas money to roll in the mail to pick myself up a pair.

I normally don't fall into the shoe lover category ( I have been known to cling viciously to an old pair of sneakers until the point they develop drastic water seepage through holes time and again) but this fall I have been obsessed with Knit anything!!! I have picked up a few very interesting knit blouses (did I just say blouse? :)) and have decided that sweaters have officially made the transition from Grandma to sexy!. Go sweaters!!!. I might note that since I have started knitting I have had a new found respect for knitwear in general, but never like this. It can only be described as a full on fetish.

Cute movie alert!!! BOLT.

If you have a dog I'm sure you will love this movie!! As I have two little dogs with big hearts very much like Bolt this movie tugged at my heart strings. This movie is great for younger kids as there is no real concrete bad guy to scare them and it is full of slapstick and running gags two styles of humor favoured by children. The fact that a variety of animals starring in this film cover pretty much every pet group makes it easy for most children to find a favourite character based on the animals they love in their own lives. For the adults it is no DreamWorks animation full of jokes/gags and innuendo that floats safely over children's heads, but its also not as bad as sitting through an episode of any of the disgustingly sweet garbage your forced to endure on tree house TV. Overall a good family film but keep in mind the target audience is a bit younger than alot of these animated films.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

boring few days...

Today's update, I'm bored!
bored, bored, bored!

I am not only bored but on a ridiculous sleep cycle that absolutely needs to be corrected by tomorrow or else I run the risk of a really crappy work week. I have been living the last few days like a bloody Vampire (no pun intended!), I have been sleeping all day and up from about 4:00p.m to 6:00a.m. I feel drained of energy and wonder if maybe I have mono or there is a gas leak in the house!!.

My fridge is apparently in worse condition than we thought and may take yet another week to repair, so meals have been fun to plan. Nothing that cant sit out in the frosty entryway (my temporary fridge) without running the risk of making us sick. I am still trying to eat up all of the thawed out goods before they spoil and I'm realising now I may have to concede a few culinary causalities. Other than that though my past few evenings have been for lack of a better word fairly stagnant. I haven't been out of bed early enough to go out anywhere that may still be open other than the video store to pick up some video game rentals with the boyfriend.

I have tried my hand at some watercolor painting and while it is not horrible I am less than pleased with my slow progress. I find myself wanting to break out the Acrylics and finish the job off that way. I think my real deterrent with watercolor is the wait time, I hate having to wait until the water is dried up to keep working. Watercolor is not an art form for the impatient I am learning, so I will either have to give it up or find my inner zen state to keep at it. I will for now give this trial run in watercolor a C-.

I received a package in the mail today!!! My Labyrinth Ludo plush and door knocker!! I didn't even have the energy to get out of bed when the postman was at the door, The boyfriend came back to the bedroom with my package and put it next to me in an effort to coax some enthusiasm. It was promptly kicked out of bed and forgotten for another hour of sleep. I think my game plan tonight will be to pull an all nighter and stay up until tomorrow night in an effort to be exhausted enough to have an early nights rest. I really feel like I have wasted a week of my life that could have been spent on worthier pursuits than vegging out on season one of 'True Blood' and playing "Fallout 3".

On the plus side my Christmas shopping is done!!! I just have to get everything together to be shipped out but that may have to wait until next week when I have some energy!

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

better now...

I'm feeling better now. I needed a day or two to think and to talk. I may not have all the answers but I wont get anywhere if I give in to my feelings of defeat. I may not have everything I'm wanting in life but I have whats important and what is vital for my survival. I have a great partner, a supportive and loving family, two snuggable little dogs, wonderful friends, I'm healthy, with food, clothing and a home. While a few years have passed me by with little to show for them I'm not doing as badly as I could be. Its just time to up my game and start to make new plans, plans that are a bit more grounded in reality. Reality may not be where my heart wants to wander, but my reality is not bad either.

I may not be married yet but at least I didn't marry the wrong person too early. I may not have a great career yet, but at least I didn't go into student debt to be at the same place I am right now like allot of young people. I may not have traveled the world but I have seen and lived in three of our Provinces and may one day see more of this great Country yet. I may not have a baby yet but I think were ready to start that dream sooner than previously discussed. Our family may not be there for the first few months or years of our first babies life but that doesn't mean we cant move closer to home one day later. I can look myself in the mirror each day and honestly say Im a good person, I work hard, Im honest, Loyal and I try to be as kind as I can to every living thing....even if sometimes I dont really want to be!. I worry about and send positive energy out to my loved ones and when I know I have said or done something hurtful to others I do regret it and try to make ammends. I am successful in life. I may not be rich or famous, but I didnt have to stab backs and ruin lives to be where I am either, sometimes a change in perspective can help you see all the things to be glad about.

I just have to keep my life a bit more flexible and remember that I may not move mountains and have my name written in the history books but people I meet along my travels remember me. I have friends across the country, I make people laugh, I make people think and I try to be there to help as I'm needed. I may not make history but I can at least make someones day here or there and that may not seem important but I think the world would be a better place if we all gave it a try sometime. So today I'm going to make the choice to stand up put one foot in front of the other and get my shit together, its only to late when I'm dead!!!!

Sunday, November 23, 2008

a new low...

I cant sleep, I was feeling great tonight. I thought the best way to end my night would be to have a constructive talk with the boyfriend about our future, hash out some plans and get prepared to make and meet goals to get our life on track. It has been easy enough to remain optimistic the past few months by keeping my mind on the present and not going to much further than my dreams and basic needs. Tonight I made the fatal mistake of trying to apply reality to my dreams. From that moment on the night has taken a turn for the worst and I'm still dealing with that crushing weight of self defeat.

I know essentially its my own fault, realistically I have no one to blame for the way I'm feeling but me, but that doesn't stop me from wanting to lash out and find a villain in this to turn my anger towards. An external foe who can take the brunt of my frustration and pain without turning it towards myself so soon. So I will start by blaming society... why because it is such an easy villain to peg at the moment, before I work up the courage to go to the true source.

Society I blame you, I blame you for filling my head full of lies from the day I was born. I blame you for every fairy tale that has ever ended with 'happily ever after', or every story where good triumphs over evil. From that point on you have told me throughout my life that I only need to be a good person and in the end I will be rewarded. I blame every teacher in the school system, every new age quack and every self help author for telling people that they can do and be whatever they want to be in life, as long as they believe. I blame every person who has looked me squarely in the eye and told me I had talent, or worth in this life and kept a straight face. To all these people I would love to say a bright and merry FUCK-YOU!.

Fuck-you for building me this false reality in which I began to make plans and dream dreams. Fuck-you for letting me invest my soul so deeply into this charade of a life you told me awaited me when I left the protection of youth. I hold more worth in every ASSHOLE who has told me I will amount to nothing, that I'm living in a fantasy world and that life is shit, do you want to know why?. Because if I had ever succeeded in proving these people wrong the glass would always be half full and I would have been content with what I fight to earn and accomplish today. Instead the majority of you sick sadistic fucks told me I would be reaching stars and watched me fall from these unrealistic goals like a lead weight to the bottom of the pond. Now I'm drowning in my failure to achieve even the most modest of my dreams and wondering why the hell I even bother to try for that much anymore. I am the King Midas of shit, I can see and envision things of beauty and worth but the second I reach my hand for them I am left with a steaming pile of crap.

Now that I am done blaming the world (which I know has no real hand in my failures but it did help me turn the tears to anger for a moment)Its time to be honest about where the true fault lies. Right here with me. I am a chicken shit! I have lived and breathed every falsehood preached to me from my youth turning an ignorant eye to any evidence of the contrary. I'm looking at life right now and seeing the difference between reality and a dream. When I was younger I had no doubt in my mind I would have a successful career at 25, I would be married and I would own a home. I would, by those standards already be a parent of at least one child and I would be around my family and friends.

Currently I am 25 years old, unmarried, working retail/ customer service, renting, childless, on the complete opposite side of the country from everyone I care for except for my boyfriend (thank the gods) and I have hit a wall. I am at the point in my life where I should have accomplished at least one of these goals by now...and nothing. I have even rearranged a few of my priorities to account for the time in my life I have WASTED and no matter how many of my dreams I let slip through my fingers it feels like nothing will ever be possible. My boyfriend and I have been having the same discussion for a few years, where do we want to settle down? we cant even agree on that point after all this time. It seems like the only way to make one of us happy will be at the expense of the others happiness. Now I know as much as anyone else that life is NOT fair, I have learned that lesson well a few years back. It doesn't mean that each new disappointment doesn't make me shake my head and wonder why?. Why is it some people are allowed to have it all while the rest of us are stuck with life's scraps??.

Today the harsh reality of time has finally caught up with me, it boils down to do or die, If I don't start to have a family now, its too late. I don't want to be a new mother on the cusp of menopause, just because science can make it happen that doesn't mean we should. That being said bumping these plans up means that the wedding before children is a no go. I refuse to have my children at my wedding, as if I could afford my dream wedding after we have kids, if I cant have the wedding I dreamed of having what the hell is the fucking point. I'm not wasting any amount of money for a piece of shit ceremony I don't want at city hall just to legalise my relationship in the eyes of a government I sure as hell didn't vote for!!!!. I'm sure at this rate I will not have the luxury of having my family or my in laws be any part of my child's life as the only decent work options for the boyfriend are on this side of the country. I sure as hell will not work full time minimum wage to pay someone else to raise my kid for me elsewhere. I'm just waiting now, with my luck the walk in clinic doctor (because no real doctor in their right mind would move to this shit hole therefore I have no family doctor on this coast)will tell me I have uterine cancer. If that's the case I just don't give a flying fuck anymore let me hurry the fuck up and die and end all of this bullshit once and for all!.

I'm sure when I read this tomorrow I will feel like a drama queen but for tonight this is where my head is at. Its painful to watch a carefully cultivated and beloved dream burst into a million unsalvagable pieces before your eyes. I am lucky to have someone in this world who loves me so much, I have a great family who are healthy and seem to be happy, I have fantastic friends its those things I will focus on tomorrow when I dust myself off and search desperately for my options in life but tonight I mourn. I mourn the final death of my innocence because tonight there will never be another chance to truly dream with abandon again.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

on a personal level...

I should note that yesterday my fridge died....all of our frozen goods in the freezer thawed out and I was up until 4:00 a.m frying $50.00 worth of fish in an effort to save them. The back door has a small entry way to the backyard, with it being November its pretty fricken cold out there so our entry is our current fridge, The boyfriend and I will be eating ALOT of fish in the next day or two and keeping our fingers crossed we avoid food poisoning. Needless to say this may help to kick start that avoiding seafood in the new year goal if I gorge myself like a Seal on it now!. That's all we can do until the repair guy shows up, which may not be until Monday so....good times.....

Drama, Drama, Drama, and a movie to boot!!!!

So I will start this post by saying I'm not a girl who enjoys allot of drama!. I try to associate with men or like minded women. You know the rare breed easy going, not into the regular bullshit of creating gossip/drama and bitch attitudes, but there are some places in life where you cant control who your stuck in a room with all day.

I already posted about the sweet new schedule at work and how much I'm enjoying it, apparently someone is less than enthusiastic about it. Yesterday that certain coworker who quit and returned to work a few weeks later felt the need to attempt to corner me into changing it to accommodate her. Lets start the ball rolling here by saying that when I started this job a year ago my original schedule was pretty good, four days a week, Tuesday-Friday every weekend off. I volunteered to switch my shifts around so this person would have the weekends off because she was having issues with another co-worker. That said my continued kindness was slowly repaid with constant attitude which I have only so much patience for in the first place. I kept my mouth shut in an attempt to be civilised and professional at work, which I am now discovering is a lost cause because it takes more than one person to accomplish this.

But lets return to yesterday. She had waited until my boss had left for the day and we were both working alone in the back. She and I were having what I thought was a decent conversation when she had started to talk about thinking about career options. I had told her it may be a good idea to contact companies in the fields she was interested in to do some job shadowing on her days off before committing to classes to make her decision easier to narrow down. This turned the conversation to the schedule, she turned to me and said

"Well I hate this new schedule, I don't think its fair that you get the schedule your wanting and I get stuck with having to deal with it, I have been working here for almost nine years and no other work place would give you a schedule like that".

Now this girl is in her early twenties and this is the ONLY job she has ever had since having started here in high school, excluding her recent three week hiatus which she had quit to return back to the Bakery. What I wanted to tell her was, "You have never worked anywhere in the real world so don't try to tell me how a "normal schedule" works, second no other job would have an employee quit, fill their position with someone else, then hire them back and put them right back into the same position that was currently occupied". Apparently that type of personal favour is alright in her books as long as she benefits from it.

But I kept that to myself in my attempt at being the reasonable adult this situation was needing so I told her "Well your going to have to talk to the boss about this, its a scheduling issue and I don't really have any control over the situation".

Well she didn't like that to much she countered with " I already talked to them about it and they are just going to give you what you want, So I'm just asking YOU if you'll work every Sunday because that's the only day I want off".

I was polite and said " Well then I would never have a full weekend off, I get every second weekend off this way and I like it like that".

she got angrier and countered with the sarcasm "Well I hope your happy with it, I have been here for nine years and you've only been here for one so its not fair".

I looked at her calmly and smiled while I told her "I really do it like thanks"

She scowled at me and said " well good I'm glad your happy"

"I am and You know what?, when I first started here I changed my schedule around to be accommodating to you and I was only ever rewarded with attitude".

she started to protest that "no when you started here you worked the schedule they gave you"

I politely corrected her and told her " No, when I started here I was Tues-Fri, I took your weekends when you and 'so and so' were not getting along and in return you started to get snotty with me. If you don't like the new schedule I'm sorry but its your own fault, I didn't want to keep working with you because of your bad attitude and that is why we are now on opposite shifts for most of the work week. So now it boils down to you made your bed now you lay in it".

She wasn't to happy with that and started to tell me she was not giving me attitude, and I told her "you know I'm sure your not meaning it to come across as attitude but it does and I'm tired of it".

Personally I'm proud of myself because I kept it as professional as I could muster without turning it into a full on fight. She dropped the subject after that and we both behaved as if the conversation never happened. Lets hope it stays that way too. If she wants a fight, in the future the gloves come off and I'm sorry to say it but she has no idea how the bitch game is truly played, but if she wants to learn from a master I will be glad to teach her.

Now that just about covers the drama, time for a movie!!! Today I went to go see Twilight, the feminist in me hisses every time I admit I'm a pseudo fan, But the girly girl in me cant help but be drawn in. I even convinced the boyfriend to come with me under the pretense it was research... (I am hoping to start a teen fiction trilogy in the not to distant future, I have had the story idea with me for a few years now I'm just trying to figure out how best to reach my target audience). So gold star for the boyfriend he gets a cookie :)!!!.

We got to the theater about 45 minutes early hoping we had time to grab a ticket...sold out!!! not only sold out but every show except the last one was sold . So what did I do? I bought tickets to Zach and Miri make a porno to kill the two and some hours until showtime. Zach and Miri was pretty funny, classic Kevin Smith lovable characters with more offensive dialog than even myself. The one surprise in this film for me was Jason Mewes, now in every Kevin Smith film I have ever watched Jason Mewes is always one half of Jay and silent Bob.

I remember watching a Kevin Smith interview in which he was saying Jason was pretty much a man whore and the first thing that came to my mind was ewww really who would sleep with that?. Now I'm watching Zach and Miri and along comes this surprisingly cute, clean cut baby faced blonde and I'm thinking who is that? he looks so familiar? who does it turn out to be but our dear friend Jay!!! all cleaned up. I have to tell you not bad, the tattoos were also quite sexy. There was a whole world of cute potential I was blind to! that being said.....hes still kinda dirty, but in the hes sexy but wear a rubber kind of way-rather than the gross kind you wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole.

Now about half an hour into the movie I go out for a washroom break and to my horror a line has already started, I can only assume for Twilight by the 12 years and up demographic. I almost get trampled by a pack of giggling, shrieking Tweens on my way out of the washroom, I go back in to the movie and let the boyfriend know of the impending gong show!. By the time our movie is finished there is still nearly an hour until our next show starts, we walk out of the theater and there is a line of about 150 tween-teenage girls awaiting their Vampire romance fix!. I laugh internally at the boyfriend who for a split second looked like a trapped animal ready to gnaw his leg off and run and proceeded to find our place in line. Luckily we had the tickets for another less volatile line which we decided to get in while the getting was good.

So many young girls all screeching and laughing, While normally I have a zero tolerance policy on teen girls I was in a good mood tonight and they didn't bother me. It was cute to watch their excitement and remember when my friends and I were at the age where we could be dropped off at the theater together and pretend to be all grown up. So many girls wearing t-shirts reading 'I "heart" Edward Cullen', or 'Twilight' and even a few homemade t-shirts decorated with fabric paint proclaiming their teen love of this fictional character. I watched it all in good humour and let the memories of days long since past flood my mind, Over all it was a good night, a decent movie, no classic but not bad for the demographic its trying to reach. The one downside...I'm starting to realise I may be getting to old for some things, I'm still watching teen flicks while the real world is moving on without me. I know its only a matter of time before I'm forced to grow up and that really does make me sad.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

October, November updates...

What has the world missed??? a few changes, We'll start with work and go from there.

The last month of work has been pretty good, the girl who had quit has come back to the bakery. We didn't really need the two of us working side by side everyday so I spoke to my boss and we rearranged my schedule so that I am able to have more time off. Every second week to be exact, It works out that I work one week on and have a week off for myself every two weeks. I'm loving it!!! By the time my week is done I'm ready and cheerful for the structure of another work week. One of our new girls quit but no one really seemed to mind as she had an attitude problem. We also lost one girl to Alberta and another to Scotland, I will miss those two and I hope their adventures are starting out good. We have hired one more girl after the others left and she is really friendly as well as a hard worker, its refreshing to see someone come along with some common sense and good work ethic, a few of the younger girls we have tried out have had one or two shifts and gone A.W.O.L.

I have been spending the extra time off trying a few new art pieces, I have completed my mermaid painting and am quite happy with it. I have also finished an owl painting for my bedroom in hues of oranges and browns. I have made a few throw cushions for my bed in the same color scheme. I have acquired a large bolt of chocolate corduroy fabric which I plan on sewing into a new duvet cover to tie the fall inspired colors of my room together. My creative drive has not left me yet which I'm thankful for!.

In the kitchen I have fallen in love with a new pie recipe I have developed for three pear pie, with baked Gruyere in the crust. I have modified it from an apple pie recipe adding a few tweaks here and there for flavour, the idea was inspired by Pushing Daisies. I am a huge fan of that show, I can say its the only program I watch religiously! If you haven't seen it yet I highly recommend it!. Last week I took my first stab at baking gluten free bread as a side enterprise to make some money. I made about 7 loaves which are now at the bakery awaiting their chance at being given away as samples in order to receive some feedback!!. So far two of loaves have made it out into the world. * fingers crossed they are a hit!!! if not back to the drawing board :). I myself tried one of the loaves and found it to be decent it had more of a tea biscuit flavour to it than a sandwich bread, but it should be good for breakfast with jam or butter!!. I also took a try at a dog cookie recipe and my pups loved it!!!, I made them peanut butter apple bombs, I think they knew these cookies were just for them as they sat in front the oven sniffing while they baked.

Speaking of my fur-babies it was Mushu's 2nd Birthday a few days ago! We are not sure what day Foxy's birthday is on as she was an adult when we got her, so they celebrated together. We took them into the local pet shop where they were man-handled by a few older ladies who just fell in love with them. They got a new squeak toy, soft food, some bones and pig ears!!. They loved it!! I also spent all day singing happy birthday to them...which they liked enough to dance around me when ever I started. I'm glad I had the day off with them, the weather was poor that day but we made up for it a few days earlier (memorial day) by taking a walk along the beach when we had sunshine.

Thanksgiving..... was quiet just the boyfriend and myself, we had stuffed tofurkey and roasted squash...not really a big hit with either of us, but one more step towards an animal free diet. It has been almost a year since I cut out farmed animals. I am still currently eating dairy and fish but hope to begin to limit my intake of these in the new year. Another step towards a healthier lifestyle is the addition of an exercise bike to our home!. I am looking forward to kick starting a new fitness schedule this month in the hopes of losing 20lbs. I have finally hit the age where my metabolism has slowed and I cant eat everything I want without consequences. I want to be sure to drop this extra weight before we start trying to have a baby so when I gain the extra weight I'm not going to be obese.

Halloween...also quiet, not alot of fun when you have no friends/ family around to party with, so it was another quiet night to add to our pile of disappointing holidays this year. Christmas prediction......crap. We will not be going home for the holidays and we have already bought and given each other our presents early. Not that I get to worked up for Christmas anyhow but I am getting pretty sick of the stagnant state of our social life. Its great to keep in contact with friends and family online but it would nice to be there with them for the good/bad times. I think maybe a move out west is in the foreseeable future I don't know how much longer I want to be in this state of isolation, Affordable or not. Needless to say Im home sick the question is which home do i miss the most Vancouver or Saskatoon? At this point they both look pretty good!.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Im back..... wow I took a long time updating!!

Where to begin? The last day of my holidays was spent going to the bank with the boyfriend and finding out we would be accepted for a mortgage once we have our 5% down payment. Looks like our credit isn't as bad as I thought!!!!.

So We decided to rent out the basement of our house to help us save some money, we eventually (after a few weeks of showing it and haggling) found a nice couple to rent the upstairs instead while paying the utilities, which makes our payments EVEN cheaper now. So we will be saving about 700-800 a month!!!. Awesome now to open up a savings account and store it for our future home. So far so good, I'm not happy about losing a dishwasher and a bathtub but I can live with the shower and the elbow grease to save some cash. Now is no time to be a primadonna when we are so close to something so exciting.

As for the art, I started a painting and so far its my best yet, its a painting of a pin-up style mermaid, its inspired by Tara McPherson but only very loosely. I'm happy with it, I think it will add a great splash of color in the basement suite.

I am very excited for the start of fall, the leaves are starting to turn all shades of orange, yellow and red. The air is crisp and spicy and I hope we are able to make a trip up to the Cabot Trail next weekend to snap some pics of the fall colors!! *fingers crossed for some blasted sun!!!.

PUMPKIN TIME!!! I haven't baked any sweets at home for over a year until this past few weeks I have made some cranberry pumpkin loaf and pumpkin cornbread and even a pumpkin swirl cheesecake for my boss's birthday!!. I was even able to convince them to sell the pumpkin loaf at the bakery and it seems to be a good seller! This fall mixed with my new found creativity is going to be fun and delicious!!. My one regret is that I will not be able to spend Halloween with my friends and really celebrating my favourite holiday of the year!!! ah well what can you do???

The girl at work who was supervisor gave her notice upon our return from holidays and now I have been given her job, its a bit stressful trying to remember all the odds and ends that need to be done but it shouldn't be too long before it becomes second nature. At least I have some time before the Christmas rush to gain my footing. Unfortunately I think all the girls who have been there for some time may be leaving this year which means we will be working a crew of newbies this winter. That's okay though because the few new girls hired seem to be really hard workers.

Foxy (my little Pomeranian) had her surgery at the end of my holidays, she was spayed, had her teeth cleaned and had nine teeth removed. She was up and trying to run around a day after her surgery. I think I was more upset about dropping her off than she was about being left behind, I handed her to the vet tech and started to cry as I left the vets office.

They phoned me part way through the day to let me know her surgery went well and she was recovering fine form the anesthetic. My local vet is a really nice man who you can tell does it for a genuine love of the animals and not the money, its very refreshing. She is now playing with Mushu (my chihuahua cross) which she didn't do before the surgery and shes doing great. Much better than she was when we first brought her home when she was gaunt and smelly. She has put a layer of fat on her bones and is full of energy now I'm so glad we got her when we did she was in some rough shape, poor little thing.

Its almost election time and I'm not sure if I am going to vote NDP or Liberal I guess I will figure out who has a better chance of beating the Tories in my riding and throw an extra vote their way. I would hate to see the Tories get a seat due to a split left wing vote between the two parties. Ultimately I really would love to see Jack Layton as Prime Minister I usually vote NDP but this election is to important to vote your heart it has to be strategic to keep Harper out. I recently sent out an email to everyone on my Mailing list to let them know why I wouldn't be voting Conservative. This is the first year I have ever been this passionate about politics!.

"Words offer the means to meaning, and for those who will listen, the enunciation of truth. And the truth is, there is something terribly wrong with this country,
isn't there? Cruelty and injustice, intolerance and oppression. And where once you had the freedom to object, to think and speak as you saw fit,
you now have censors and systems of surveillance coercing your conformity and soliciting your submission. How did this happen? Who's to blame?
Well certainly there are those more responsible than others, and they will be held accountable, but again truth be told, if you're looking for the guilty,
you need only look into a mirror. I know why you did it. I know you were afraid. Who wouldn't be? War, terror, disease. There were a myriad of problems
which conspired to corrupt your reason and rob you of your common sense. Fear got the best of you, and in your panic you turned to the now high chancellor,
Adam Sutler. He promised you order, he promised you peace, and all he demanded in return was your silent, obedient consent."

V ~V for Vendetta

I think that concludes most of the excitment of my last few weeks, I will try to keep this Blog more current!

~until next time.

Sunday, August 31, 2008

Plans, plans, plans......

So I have been on holidays for about a week now???..... What have I done with my time?.... Not much, I repainted an action figure and mildly re sculpted the hair to look like me. Now My Jareth, Labyrinth action figure can have a girlfriend (if the unicorns didn't tip you off I'm a bit of a nerd).

I went to a small show in town with some girls from work, that was pretty fun, I even had a good time dancing and that's not like me at all!!!. The boyfriend and I had a few serious conversations, and we have decided that by next fall we want to try for a baby (hopefully we will be in our own small home by then). I have decided that if I don't get pregnant by next fall I refuse to have children at all, its a now or never type of deal for me.

I have started feeling my creative self waking up after two long years of silence, and I have decided there are quite a few things I want to do with my life regarding my writing and art. So I would like to have my kids now before too many of my plans get to far along and have babies clog the wheels of progress. If I have them sooner and pace myself regarding personal goals then by the time I pick up steam they will be on their way to school and free up a large chunk of my day.

So this next year will be all about creating a home, and getting my art and writing out on paper as much as possible. I would love to find a way to work from home for the next few years but also to be my own boss, sell my art online or even start an online gift store. I'm tired of working for everyone else, I want to be self sufficient and given the amount of money I make right now it shouldn't be to hard to meet that goal.

I'm feeling really motivated and confident lately. I know what I want and I also know I am capable of making it happen I just have to push forward and make it happen. I can do that!, the alternative is to continue to let life make me its bitch and be miserable. I don't know where this burst of life came from but I'm so glad it did, I'm really starting to feel alot more optimistic about my options in life!!!.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

white knight syndrome........

White Knight syndrome

A personality characteristic found in most males that cause them to:

1. rush to the aid of any female they see who appears in any form of distress.

2. Become attracted to said damsel in distress.

3. Follow the dying code of chivalry and generally act like a nice guy.

Also called young mans disease.

Despite the fact I am a young woman myself I think I may suffer from white knight syndrome. When I see or hear of family and friends plights I am up at arms ready to defend or protect until the death. It feels a bit hypocritical though as I am usually more passive when dealing with my own problems, I think a skill I need to learn is to detach emotionally when being confided in.

Its impossible to try to solve all the worlds problems but I cant fight that urge to take up arms, I wonder if I may be trying to tackle others problems as a way of avoiding my own?. Perhaps??? I also wonder how many syndromes one person can have at any given time?, will my white knight syndrome clash violently with my Peter Pan syndrome??

or is my hypochondria the biggest problem I am facing today???

Saturday, August 16, 2008

why a blog???? why now???

Some of you may be asking yourselves... why a blog? what have you got to say that's worth hearing???.

The answer is this I'm not sure if anything I have to say will ever be worth hearing but I was inspired by a book I recently read to start to document my life in some form or another. Then I thought, whats the point of writing something no one will ever read? so now its online and maybe someone will happen upon it and find something of interest to take away from this.

To start the book that inspired me to try to chronicle my life or opinions was called "A Woman in Berlin" author: anonymous. This book is a diary of a woman living in Berlin during the fall of the Hitler regime as the Russian troops began occupation, It was an incredible read. She gives the reader details into the daily life in Berlin as the change of power takes place she records daily life from ration portions to the raping of herself and many other women. It highlights her own survival and thought process as these things are happening as well as her observations of how the people around her are managing to survive.

I hope there never comes a day when my Blog has so much horror or significance as this piece of work but it really makes you think how the written word can in a way immortalise a person. Had she never put pen to paper some of the more gruesome details of daily life for a woman living in war times may not be fully known, she has frozen a time period on paper for all to re experience this horrific time for themselves. Its a great book that really captures human nature at both its finest and its worst and I would highly recommend this book to anyone.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Yay!! blogging at last!!

This is my first blog......must find a computer savy individual to assist in some formating tweaks!!! Good times!!! Another new project in the works!!.