Im tired and I dont want to start my work week tomorrow. I ordered Pizza and Poutine for dinner and am looking down at my winter pooch in disgust trying to muster up the motivation to do some crunches before bed......what a mediocre day.
Every morning when I open my eyes and take my first morning yawn I'm greeted by the feeling of four tiny feet scampering up my blanket and a plunk of weight on my chest. If I close my eyes quickly to go back to sleep the weight on my chest remains still and eventually will curl up in a ball at my side. If my eyes remain open I'm greeted with the full power of puppy love, A minuscule tongue whips my face in a frenzy and a little tail swishes madly from side to side. I find its hard to wake up in a bad mood with that kind of a Chihuahua greeting each day. If I'm especially lucky on any given morning I will also get a good sneeze in my direction from my little Pomeranian as she scampers over and flips on her back for a morning belly rub.
I cant rightly recall what life was like without two sets of bulbous eyes staring at me each time I grab myself a snack or a plate of dinner. Its hard to imagine opening the door without the loud yaps of excitement and two legged hopping when I come home, even if Ive only gone outside to check the mail. I defiantly cant remember napping so soundly without two little heaters pressed into any nook or cranny they can find on the couch beside me.
When I have a bad day at work it all melts away when I get home and spend a few minutes with my baby dogs. Every outing we go on becomes far more exciting and magical as I see the splendor of the woods or the beach from my dogs eyes. They remind me to enjoy life to its fullest and that everyday offers something to get excited about even if its something as simple as waking up to the people you love each morning.
Today I'm rather miffed about customs charges. I ordered a Windstone Mermaid for myself a few weeks ago. I do allot of my shopping online as I live in a tiny little coastal town that really has no room for the types of stores I enjoy shopping at. I enjoy collecting fantasy figures, and I enjoy reading. The gift stores out here are catering to a large number of 30-65 year old Christians with a Celtic background. So most of the products they carry are geared to this demographic, If you are ever in need of a kitchy green plaid souvenir from your visit to Cape Breton there is no lack of supply. If your looking for that perfect Christening gift or religious motivational plaque then you will be in luck!!. Or if your only interested in reading the titles on the most recent best seller list then shop 'Cole's Books' and your life here in small town Nova Scotia will be complete.
If however your a pagan who enjoys collecting and reading fantasy items then your only option really is to order the item and have it shipped to your doorstep. For my books I generally shop amazon.ca, but allot of times a title I'm really looking for will be sold out, unavailable or ridiculously priced used by third party merchants on the .ca site. Now if I search Amazon.com I can generally find the title in stock and reasonably priced despite the exchange rate, so if it comes down to spending over inflated prices on a book or a moderate amount of inflation due to exchange rates then I'm fine with it.
As for my fantasy figurines I get a little bit choked..... These items are not cheap, I'm not talking dollar store dragons here!! but well sculpted, finely painted collectors items with a large following of serious collectors worldwide. These items sell from anywhere between $50.00- $2500.00 depending on the amount produced the size and whether they are limited edition, retired or in production . If I manage to pull together the money to buy one its usually coming from the country they are produced the United States. So when the list price is $150.00 I have to convert that amount into Canadian $$ which generally means tack on an extra $20.00-$30.00 at least. Then these items are needing to be shipped to me, and they are not lightweight porcelain but a hefty gypsum so I can count on paying an extra $30.00 U.S dollars at least (convert to Canadian $$$ again). So after all the extra money I spend to get my item I just want it to arrive quickly at my doorstep so I can enjoy it.
Is that what I get??? NOPE!!!! I have to wait an extra 3 days for my parcel to be delayed at customs so "big brother" can nose through my shit and then I have to pay those assholes an extra $20-$30.00 Canadian for the inconvenience, not only is that amount what the gst/pst would be but it also includes the $5.00-8.00 brokerage charge just for the luxury of having my item nosed through!!!!.
Some days I feel like I'm two personalities in one body and these two personalities are in a constant struggle for dominance. Maybe its a Gemini thing? Or maybe its one of those GIRL things that makes us seem so crazy and indecisive all the time......
One Michelle loves everyone and everything, she sees the beauty in every flower and has compassion/ empathy for all people, plants and animals. This Michelle gets her feelings hurt very easily and puts too much meaning into peoples comments or tones, she cries over allot of things including tears of joy when she watches things like "Extreme Home make over". She enjoys giving to people, she likes making people food, taking care of others, giving unexpected gifts and a shoulder to cry on.
This Michelle sees injustice and the problems with the world and struggles internally to fix everything IE: poverty, animal abuse, global warming, she wants to open a women's shelter and sit down at a cafe with lonely people to give them a deserving friend. The sheer magnitude of the things this Michelle wants to accomplish become overwhelming and she is prone to fits of depression when she cant put on her fairy wings and wand and fix it all. This Michelle can be meddlesome in other peoples business but it is not malicious it is generally in an attempt to be helpful or to try to fix it. This Michelle is a dreamer an activist and prone to be the worlds biggest sucker if someone was able to get passed the other Michelle to abuse her good will.
The other Michelle is the steward of the first Michelle. This one has a backbone, shes the Michelle that shoots her mouth off and is willing to be a bitch to get the job done. This Michelle puts relationships on the chopping block and cuts people out for their transgressions (this generally takes a while as the first Michelle is prone to hundreds of second chances). This Michelle sees past peoples smiles and figures out their motives, she carefully screens those who are worthy to have access to the first Michelle. This Michelle is the one you will see if your on the opposing side of an argument. She is uncharitable and feels anyone not able to help themselves up should sit in the gutter. When the worlds problems cross her mind she shrugs and says "yeah well everyone has problems".
This Michelle has her good qualities as well, she is outgoing and fun at parties (where as the first Michelle tends to be timid and shy) She enjoys a good laugh and can be loud and rowdy. This Michelle is a good friend though and if you have gained access to the first Michelle then you also gain the protective loyalty of this Michelle as well. This Michelle doesn't fight for the world she fights for a few living within it. Her goals are based more in reality and survival. This Michelle is willing to take risks and enjoys a good adventure. She is sarcastic and blunt generally manages to push her way to the foreground of my personality.
The internal pendulum swings from one Michelle to the next at a moments notice sometimes and at others the two seem to blend into a mutual harmony. If you find though a difference in posts form one day to the next, one day positive and hopeful and the next negative and sarcastic you will see the stark contrast to these two sides for yourself.
So a little while ago I decided to try to change my thinking in a more positive upswing than before in an attempt to test the law of attraction. So from the time I have started a few things have changed and a few victories have taken place.
My boyfriend and I decided to change our thoughts from worrying about money to 'money comes effortlessly into our life', within a week of making this change He received a call back for a part time job. (to hold him over until a new animation contract comes up) He had been applying and looking for one for two months straight beforehand.
Now I very rarely receive junk mail directed to me personally I only ever get my fliers once a week and usually tucked in there is a generic CIBC MasterCard application directed to no one and everyone all at once. The second week of positive thinking I received not one but two letters directed at me for some prize sweepstakes. One from 'publishers clearing house' and another from 'readers digest'. Seeing as you weren't obligated to buy anything to enter I filled out my forms and sent them back, the draw takes place this fall. I will let you know if I won anything :)!!
I have been trying to sell homemade Gluten Free bread at the bakery for a few months now, we had been selling about 10 loaves every month and a half. Last month (post positive thinking) I sold 26 loaves and this month we sold 38 loaves! and the demand seems to be getting higher each week!!!. I will also throw in that I signed Chris up for the hokey pool at work and he won $200.00 last week as well.
Before Easter I had a customer come in and give me a beautiful rose out of the blue and I have never received any sort of gift from a customer in my almost ten years in dealing with the public. It made my week!!!. I also received no less than seven compliments from customers about my cheery disposition.....what ME???
This week I noticed the bakery advertising a new age angel seminar on our counter, We don't advertise for things like that....ever but here it was and I found it a bit weird. I went to the counter to take a peek and there was one, only ONE free admission ticket sitting under the stack of flyer's, next month I plan on going. It may be hokey or it may be the first step in re finding my interest in religion again :). who knows but at 0.00 $$$ I can afford to take an hour out of my day and check it out!.
Now this may all be random and circumstantial occurrences but seeing as things are going so well I'm going to continue to put out positive energy and thinking into the world. So far it hasn't hurt anything!!! Whether you believe it or not I think at least trying this experiment for yourselves is the best way to gauge its effectiveness.
So sometimes I enjoy looking around online to see what adorable little creatures may be in need of a new home. Not that I am able to take on more until I own my own place, but I am always curious. Well last week I saw an add for a free Jack Russel Terrier and decided to let the people upstairs know about it, as they are considering getting their puppy a playmate.
I wrote out the info from the add and left it on a post-it note on their door, a few days later my neighbor asked me about the add and I told her I would try to find it again on Craigslist and print out a copy for her. I went back to Craigslist and there was no information about the Jack Russel but oddly enough there were two adds for a Capuchin monkey!!!!.
There are two type of people in the world those who have always dreamed of owning a monkey and those who have a bias against monkeys ( Dane Cook?). I am one of those people who always wanted one. As a kid I would reach into the monkey exhibit at the local zoo to hand my furry friends a peanut or a fruit slice. I wanted to take the spider monkeys home with me!!!. But as you get a bit older the possibility of having a monkey just seems non existent.
Now, lo and behold years later I find a link that makes the world of monkey ownership seem possible once more. I am ecstatic I run to get the boyfriend, hey Chris look!!!! WE CAN GET A MONKEY!!!!!! Can you believe it!!!. Chris's face darkens and the stern voice of reason pipes in "We are not getting a monkey".
I smile and laugh "That's what you said about both dogs too!!!", my dreams of monkey stewardship are not to be shot down by reason!!. The next morning I wake up and start to get ready for work, The monkey is on my brain. I sit in front of the computer and check YouTube "Hey Chris!! look these monkeys can help disabled people!!"...."WE ARE NOT GETTING A MONKEY!!!".
Later that evening, "Hey Chris lets face it, we missed the band wagon of having kids!!".
"What are you talking about?"
"Well everyone else has already had some so its not as exciting anymore....lets be the first ones in our group of friends TO HAVE A MONKEY!!!!"
" But think about it, A monkey will never ask you for an xbox for Christmas!!"
Silence...Chris's last line of defence when he has decided to hold fast to his opinion and refuses to listen to my arguments...For today I need to regroup my thoughts and prepare for tomorrows onslaught!!!. I glance behind me and there sits Mushu my Chihuahua/ Dachshund cross, her Giant Bulbous eyes send their Chihuahua cute beams straight for the heart I go and scoop her up and give her a cuddle.
The monkey pops into my head again...this time I see it pulling her tail, trying to bite her or carrying Foxy (my 3lb Pomeranian) onto the rooftop shrieking. Suddenly the monkey in my brain, as exciting and fabulous as it was only moments before grabs his adorable little hat and tiny suitcase and goes through the door of impossibility once more..... :(
Fear is the black ocean and all the creatures lurking within waiting for their chance to suck me beneath the waves kicking and screaming to dine on my flesh. I fear sharks and giant squid but more importantly man eating mermaids. I cant watch documentaries on the ocean without my heartbeat accellerating. I have to force myself to get even as far as my waist when we go to the ocean, even then my time there is short lived. The idea of swimming, snorkling or diving in the open water fills me with dread. The many new species of fish discovered during the tsunami a few years ago horrify me and make me wonder what other horrible things unknown to man may be hiding in the darkest depths. The ocean floor is my vision of hell. While I love living on the coast and spending hours at the beach my legs will never be sea worthy.
So I have officially deactivated my Facebook account as well as cut off my cable!!!. Why? well let me go into detail.....
For the larger part of 2008 I have felt as though I was surviving and not really living. I would wake up, work, pay the bills, wash, sleep and repeat. The time in between where I could be making use of my reawakened inspiration to create was wasted in front of the television and becoming addicted to checking my facebook updates.
Living on the opposite coast from my family and friends in a small town with an even smaller list of recreational activities to do in the bad weather has been tough. I viewed Facebook as my lifeline a way to keep in touch and keep relationships strong despite the distance. But despite the many features added to make things easier to share with your friends and family, over time I found relationships feeling cold. NOT to imply that my family and friends were being cold!!! But it is always human nature to find the easiest way to accomplish a task and being human I fell into the Facebook trap. What trap you may ask???
The outsider looking in trap!. Pre-Facebook I would have to put in the effort of writing out a long email to update people of the ongoing events happening in my life I would take the time to enquire about their news and updates and in return receive a long heartfelt response. The days of Facebook have made it so easy for me to just pop onto a persons profile glance at a few updates and messages and feel that I had been adequately updated on their life, so much so that the personal effort to maintain contact as I had before seemed irrelevant.
But over time I realised......other than a half paragraph response to an update every so often I had not had very much REAL contact with the people in my life that are very important to me. When was the last time I had a heart to heart with a friend? when was the last time I bothered to phone? when was the last time I had taken the time to let people in my life know more about whats going on than a quick one sentence update every few days. Rather than making it easier to keep in touch with people Facebook only made it easier for me to maintain an illusion of human contact. The people in my life that I am glad to know deserve better!!! I should HAVE to put in an effort to keep them around, because they are worth it, that's what real friends do isn't it? Its time to be a better friend... No more just calling it in.
I am trying this year to become a better person, not that I was a bad person before, not that I feel my personality is horribly flawed. I enjoy sarcasm and bitching that's not going to change its who I am and what my life experiences have made me :). But I am learning to see the humor and irony in the things that used to only just enrage me. I am willing to forgive hurts bestowed on me by others BUT I'm not stupid enough to forget them. Is every relationship in life salvageable? No!!! Some people are just toxic and will only ever suck the life out of you, but just acknowledge it didn't work out and walk away. There is no reason to harbour fantasies of revenge or wish them ill for years (as I am prone to do).
I am a pagan, my spirituality is very closely linked to the earth. I used to have flawless unwavering faith, I could feel the life force and divine presence in everything with little to no effort. For a few months It was almost as though my cord to that life force was snipped away, I had disconnected from my beliefs,I spent so much time on superficial things that I had lost touch with a big part of me. I need to make time to find that inner peace again to rebuild the bridge between me and my faith and find a way to incorporate it into my life seamlessly again.
Its time to start a more genuine life. Do instead of dream, LIVE instead of exist and remember what its like to be a part of the natural world rather than slip into the role of another gear in the consumerism machine, filling my days with technology and material things to fill the void that today's society has created in people. I choose to fill that void with humanity, going back to our roots. Plant some flowers feel the earth, Do some art, enjoy more time with my family....maybe take up an instrument.....
Snip away what doesn't work and make some room for what does!!!
Conversations in my house usually go into three categories:
~things I care about but the boyfriend doesn't (being the largest) ~things he cares about but I don't (second in size) ~things we both enjoy that incite hours of stimulating conversations (IE: books, comics, music, movies...but allot of these can be funnelled into categories one and two, therefore its still the smallest)
The following conversation is a Category one:
Me: "who do you think would win in a fight between Cerberus and a chimera?"
Chris:*bewildered expression* "Whats a chimera?"
Me: "You know part lion/ goat and serpent!!"
Chris:"oh, I don't know"
Me: "Well the chimera is pretty Bad Ass!! Especially if you say he has a large serpent head in the front and a smaller one on the tail, then you can throw in wings, he seems to have the advantage!!. But then Cerberus is the hound of hell!!!...that's gotta make him pretty tough too right?"
Chris: *stares at me strangely in an uncomfortable silence for a minute*
Me: *sigh* " I wish I had some mythological friends!!!"
Chris: begins to laugh hysterically
Me: "NOT IMAGINARY FRIENDS!!!! people who enjoy mythology!!!!"
btw~ for those of you who may be curious I'm totally gunning for the chimera!!
So last Sunday I was at work in the bakery, out back making some colorful Easter cupcakes when myself and one other girl hear a few shrieks and gasps coming from the front of the store. We look out front and don't see anything so get back to work, a moment later one of the cashiers runs out back and declares in a state of alarm "there is a wasp in the bakery".
"Is it on the food?"
"whats the problem?"
She runs back out front to help the line of customers. The other girl and I both look at each other then peek out the window into the store front, there are about ten customers in the store a few men, women and one child. The entire group of them are cowering beside the sweet display while the one lone minuscule Wasp flies about the store minding its own business. My coworker goes out to regain calm. I decide I want to sit back and watch how this "incident" plays out, I take my place by the window and watch the scene unfold before my eyes.
My coworker dish towel in hand is running through the Bakery swishing and swiping into the air trying to shoo the Wasp toward the door. A woman at the counter ducks and flails her arms "WHERE IS THE WASP???? I'M NOT MOVING UNTIL I KNOW WHERE IT IS!!!" she clings her child protectively in front of her, three people inch further from her afraid her spastic flailing arms herald the approach of the Wasp.
I watch two men in their early fifties duck and cower by the cookie rack, the woman by the counter still shrieking and making a fuss "Where is the wasp??? where is the wasp???". The other customers in the store are still pressed firmly into the sweet display awaiting the removal of the wasp from the bakery before they dare walk out the door, all eyes on my coworker in quick pursuit. After about ten minutes my coworker finally gets the Wasp next to the door and pushes it open. One of the older gentlemen who was only just moments before ducking and hiding his head beneath his arms turns around and swings his bag in a last ditch effort of self preservation.
SUCCESS!!! The Wasp flies out the door, its reign of terror complete at last. The shrieking woman at the counter is still in hysterics and the older guy (must have been her husband) walks up to her puffing out his chest "Its okay honey I took care of it!".
My coworker comes back and we just look at each other and cant help but laugh!!! I realise its been a long winter but COME ON!!!!!
Wasp-1 Human Race-0
Until we meet again wasp...until we meet again......